If we look at one of the absolutes, such as abortion in cultures in which choice is at least generally available about reproductive options abortion is at least relatively unstigmatized and access to it is legal and there are no significant economic barriers, a woman may still have religious or ethical or emotional reasons why she would perceive abortion negatively. A woman, for example, who has suffered through a number of miscarriages of wanted pregnancies may find herself for various reasons unable or unwilling to carry a pregnancy to term. In such a case, having an abortion may be the right choice for that woman but may still be very painful.

In general, the ways in which sexuality and fertility shapes a woman's relationship with self -- as well as with family and the larger community -- is largely determined by the degree of choice that she has over having her body procedure. If she feels pressured into having an abortion by economic reasons, or forced to have sex by her more economically successful partner, or denied the chance to have a same-sex relationship, or lives in a society that says (for example) that black women do not have as much right to control their fertility and their bodies as do white women, is likely to feel diminished all around.

She is likely to feel that her position as a lesser citizen (something that she may be capable of ignoring or at least downplaying most of the time) has been irretrievably reinforced and that others in her family or her community have far too great a say in how she makes decisions about her body, including both her sexuality and her fertility.

Sexual freedom can often be a cause of increased conflict between a woman and other members of her family, especially the male members of her family.This extends to her community at large, as men who are not related...

Male control of female fertility and thus of women's lives in general is most effective when familial controls are either implicitly or explicitly supported by the larger community. Women are reminded by laws and customs about their sexuality that they belong to the collective of their gender. They can never quite be individuals in the way that men can. How can this not be a cause for both rage and despair?
The ability to be autonomous can be a fundamentally powerful force. Individuals who are dependent on others are generally less safe emotionally as well as in the most pragmatic ways such as being able to provide shelter and food for oneself. Knowing that one is dependent on other people (whether family members or members of one's larger community), especially when these same other individuals have the power to control one's fertility damages one's sense of self. Damages a woman's sense of self.

Fertility is for most women both a potential opportunity and a potential cost. Many women want children and many women fear the consequences of pregnancy and childbirth as well as of motherhood. The complexity of the relationship of women to their bodies, to their fertility, and to the means of being able to control that fertility (ranging from the right to refuse to have sex, to having access to reliable contraception, to safe abortion) sets women apart from the men with whom they live.

Women, as Hooks (1984) notes, live in a position of being on the periphery of their own society while men occupy the center, define the norm, define normality. Hooks, as do other women (and especially women of color) often argue that women must form alliances with men to create a society in which gender are not used in exploitative ways.