Spilled Milk

Introduction

In cases of child abuse, the protection of the child is typically the concern of the state. That protection is thought of in different ways, with some arguing that the best protection for the child is to preserve the family if at all possible, through family preservation policies and practices; others argue that in abusive situations the child needs to be removed from the home Patwardhan, Hurley, Thompson, Mason & Ringle, 2017). In the book Spilled Milk by Kelly Randis, it is not just one child, but half a dozen children who are abused by a father and unprotected by a disabled mother. The child herself has to come forward and fight a system that seems to want the abuse to continue out of respect for the preservation of the family. The book is based on the true story of Randiss own situation as a child abused by her father. It was not until social services assured her that she and her siblings would be protected that she became willing to come forward and tell the truth about what was happening. In many child abuse cases, there is always an element of fear regarding what might happen if the truth should come to lightwhether it is abuse from a family member or from a trusted member of an organization like a church (Harper & Perkins, 2018; Keenan, 2013; Murray, Nguyen & Cohen, 2014). Exposing the abuse can be terrifying because of the unknown ramifications for all involved.

The Fear of the Unknown

One of the issues in Spilled Milk is the issue of reporting on an abusive parent and not knowing what will happen to the rest of the family. For the character at the center of the action, it is a terrifying prospectbut it is one quite common to the concept of reporting abuse. Many victims feel the same fear. As Randis (2013) writes, Brooke, the girl at the center of the action in the novel, is shamed by her mother for writing about the troubling experiences she has at the hands of her father in a journal. The journal is discovered and Brookes mother is embarrassed. She harasses and yells at Brooke to the point where Brooke consents to never write such things again. The mother does not question the girl as to what is going on that makes her write such things. She does not investigate. Instead, her first thought is of shame and fearembarrassment about what such things written by a girl would do to the family, to the mothers reputation. The mother is concerned about her own image and feelings. She does not give any attention to what is going on with her daughter.

Such self-centered reactions to obvious experiences of abuse are a big mistake and a common occurrence in abusive families: there are people who live in denial about what is going on because facing the truth is too painful or cannot be fathomed. It is these types of cases that make it almost impossible for family preservation programs to work (Patwardhan et al., 2017). In order for a family preservation program to function, the entire family has to be on board with the program, openly accepting that mistakes have been made. In most cases, family preservation programs only work when the family is unintentionally being abusive, through issues such as neglect, typically caused by poverty or addiction. But in Brookes case, the abuse is much worse and it is deliberateand the mother is in denial about it. Thus, it is with great fear that Brooke even thinks about reporting on it. She is in the same shoes as many victims like herself: they do not know what will happen, and it could be that what happens after reporting is even worse than the abuse itself.

Brooke tentatively explores her options but the reaction she gets from the legal system is overwhelming. She does not find any sympathy there either. This is an important consideration that social workers should keep...…there is on helping those who are victims of the abuse. The cumulative risk to the family is what needs to be assessed, otherwise those who should be helping through social services end up adding to the child maltreatment (Patwardhan et al., 2017).

Child maltreatment is an issue that cannot be solved through sweeping legislation or policy making because it is an issue that must be assessed on a case by case basis. It is not just a matter of looking at the statistics related to foster care and children aging out of care and deciding that family preservation is likely to have more positive outcomes for children. Foster care may not be ideal, but it can be necessary and even crucial to a childs well-being in certain cases. Social workers have to be aware of the risks that their own approaches might place upon children in all cases (Patwardhan et al., 2017). As Randis (2013) shows, children need to feel protected.

Conclusion

The book by Randis (2013) tells the story of a girl who comes forward to report on her fathers abuse. Her concern is for her siblings, yet along the way she is shamed into keeping silent or led to believe that her family will be harmed if she pursues the matter. It is not until she gets the love and support she needs to feel confident that she is doing the right thing for her family and that her siblings will be protected that she finally comes forward to report on her father. For children of abuse, the fear of reporting is a real one that must be appropriately considered. Systems justification theory and moral foundation theory arehelpful in understanding the fears and actions of all stakeholders in an abuse situation. For social workers, the important point to remember is that every case is going to be unique. Some cases may allow for a family preservation approach that keeps the children with the parents. Others will not. In Brookes case, the father was arrested and sent…